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Image provided by Steven Shewach

 

Steven Shewach told his wife two years ago that he’d never fight with her again – and he’s kept his promise.

 

Shewach said that he knew if his marriage didn’t work out, neither would any of his future relationships.

 

 

“I was the common denominator,” he said. “I was an angry, narcissistic megalomaniac asshole for most of [my] adult life.”

 

He recalls feeling as if the world was going to screw him over and thinking he’d better “beat it to the punch.”

 

The ex-asshole is now a men’s relationship mentor and made the shift by learning one crucial lesson: relationship repair begins individually.

 

Shewach said that trying to change the other person is the route of all relationship issues.

 

“I’m a big fan of people in relationships doing their own, individual and separate inner work.”

 

Although the relationship coach admits it’s hard, he says inner work starts with changing the way you think. But how do we actually shift to a positive mindset?

 

STEP 1: ACCEPTANCE

 

“Just freakin’ sit there and think about how it is that your life ended up here,” Shewach said.

 

This part involves realizing that your life is a product of your own choices.

 

Shewach said a negative thinker claims, “It’s not mine. It’s out there. It’s other people. It’s the government. It’s my parents. It’s some secret society.”

 

A positive thinker stops the blame and reclaims their power.

 

STEP 2: AWARENESS

 

Shewach said we should monitor the thoughts that constantly float through our minds. Are they positive or negative?

KISS

 

Meditation can also help because it makes you “get outside of yourself to see yourself from afar,” he said.

 

The process of self-awareness leads to self-love, something he said a relationship can’t survive without.

 

“Expecting someone to love you when you don’t love yourself is not good. The relationship will fail, [it’s] just a matter of time.”

 

VALENTINE’S DAY ADVICE FOR US SINGLES?

 

“Don’t get sucked into the vortex of it all,” Shewach warns.

 

He calls Valentine’s Day a “corporate machine” that conformists literally buy into.

 

Last year, statistics released by Facebook showed that there was a 200 per cent increase in people who changed their status to “in a relationship.”

 

“People who are single and wanting to be in a relationship to the point of desperation need to do more work on themselves, in my opinion,” Shewach said.

 

Steven Shewach, AKA “the Mantor”, accepts clients from across the globe, coaching them in their relationships by phone or video chat. He can be reached on his website Lovemorehurtless.com or on Twitter @Shewach.

 

 

COMMENT: What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?

 

 

 

Image credit: seriousbri via Creative Commons

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en_CA

 

Advice from an ex-asshole: it’s not you, it’s me

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